see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
