no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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