Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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