There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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