the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
