Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
