PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
