i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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