he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
