I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
