Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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