i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
