I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
