Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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