Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
