Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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