Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
