Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
