afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
