My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
