Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
