Sry I called you an 8
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
how drunk are you?
Several
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
