Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
