I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize