Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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