i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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