Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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