Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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