Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
