I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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