we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
