Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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