So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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