I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
