I just threw up on my dentist
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
