Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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