I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
