And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come back. Shots need mouths.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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