My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
