My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
