So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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