There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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