it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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