btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
