OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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