doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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