She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
