So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
