Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
