i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
