I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
