Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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