My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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